Every year, I tell myself that I’m going to post more on my blog and social media and sometimes I start out strong, but inevitably I quickly fade out. I mean, the last time I posted anything was in July… why am I paying for this domain if I’m not going to do anything with it? I have ideas that I think would make good posts, but have a hard time executing them. I have at least 2, half-way finished blog posts that I lost steam on and while I was working on them I couldn’t help but think “Who cares? Who cares about my trip to Europe? Are any of my pictures worth looking at? Are my outfits worth asking about?” That’s the introverted part of me who’s scared to share anything in case no one cares. And then there’s the other part of me who so desperately wants to be extroverted it hurts. Seriously, it can be painful for someone who is introverted to a fault to put themselves out there and attempt to pretend they’re not who they really are. Next starts the internal argument between those two sides. “Who cares if no one likes it, you like it and it’s awesome.” And I come back with: “But I do care… a lot. I want to be accepted.”
I also have a lot of self-doubt about the things I have to share. I see all of the popular bloggers posting expensive outfits and pictures of their beautiful homes and I just can’t keep up with that, I can’t have all those nice things to share. I would be broke if I tried to keep up with them, honestly. My clothes are nice, but I don’t have nearly as nice of stuff as what I see on Instagram. Maybe I’m just following the wrong people. Where my middle class bloggers at? (Taking suggestions!) How can one afford a completely new wardrobe with every single post? Sugar daddy? Literal daddy? Sure they get stuff for free for promoting the goods, but I just can’t imagine that every item is free. Maybe they just got lucky in life and have no worries about money.
This post has turned into a lot of complaining, but I think I really needed to put this out there and accept the fact that I’m not ‘keeping up with the Joneses’ and that’s okay. I need to focus more on finding my voice and loving it, so I think I’ll begin sharing more stuff like this to help myself become more comfortable with who I really am.
This is me and I think I’m pretty great! I do care what you think, but I also care what I think.